Bands don’t always fail because of lack of commercial success. They sometimes fail because nobody had the conversation…
People often assume the hardest part about being in a band is writing great songs. It isn’t. The hardest part is finding three, four, five or six people who can stay together long enough to write those songs, enjoy each other’s company, share the same vision, and remain equally committed when life inevitably gets in the way. Oh, and then have a huge amount of luck to be in the right place at the right time and get a break! When you stop and think about it, it’s actually remarkable that any successful band exists at all.
I’ve auditioned for countless bands over the years, I’ve walked away from some and I’ve spent years in others. I’ve been in bands where we reached the point of thinking, “We’ve got something here. We should take this further.” Then reality would arrive. Someone’s career became their priority, someone wasn’t interested in recording an album or someone loved playing live as a hobby but had no desire to chase the next opportunity.
None of those decisions are wrong – they’re simply the different goals in life people have. The problem is that those conversations often happen years too late. When you’ve played with people for years, they’re no longer just bandmates, they’re good friends. Suggesting someone leaves because they aren’t as committed as everyone else feels plain wrong. You don’t want to be the one who breaks up the band. So instead, everyone quietly compromises, the momentum fades and the opportunities disappear. Not because anyone lacked talent, but because not everybody was heading towards the same destination.
The one that got away… The closest I probably came to joining a band that became much bigger than anything I’ve done happened almost by accident. I was sent a demo tape and invited to audition for a New Zealand band. I listened but it simply didn’t connect with me. It wasn’t the style of music I wanted to make, so I declined. Later, they went on to do very well. I remember them supporting The Cranberries on tour here in New Zealand and thinking… “Wow… that could have been me.”
Do I regret it? Not for a second. Success only matters if you’re making music you actually love. I’d rather follow the path that feels right than spend years wishing I was somewhere else. For me, not being in a band is better than being in the wrong band.
So, have the conversation early. If you’re lucky enough to be in a band that’s getting on well and starting to gain some traction, here’s my advice. Have the awkward conversations about the future now. It’s very similar to a couple deciding to build a life together. Imagine moving in with someone, buying a house, planning your future… and only then discovering one of you desperately wants children and the other absolutely doesn’t. Neither person is wrong. But it’s probably something worth discussing before you’ve invested years together.
Bands are exactly the same: ask the difficult questions.
Do we want to record albums? Do we want to tour? Are we prepared to relocate? How much money are we willing to invest? What happens if one person gets offered another opportunity? How committed are we really? Don’t assume everyone is on the same page because often, they aren’t.
Talent isn’t enough. People love hearing stories about overnight success but the reality is that success usually depends on something much less glamorous – compatibility, shared goals, communication, commitment and years of work when things were tough. Much like building any small business with other people. Those are the things that keep a band together long enough for the songs to find the illusive ‘success’.
The odds are stacked against every band from the beginning. But having honest conversations early might just be the difference between becoming another “what if?” story… and becoming the band that actually makes it.
